Let You In

Maybe I shouldn’t have let you in… but I did
When you first asked to see what’s inside, I hid
I had been masquerading behind a life of fun
Drinking and partying with the setting sun
I built walls and kept my fortress strong
But you tried so hard to prove me wrong
You wanted me to be open to your love
Although I tried explaining I’ve had it rough
You persisted so sweetly, so kind and tender
Those are the fondest memories I remember
We all have our wounds from the past
And you fell for me so deeply, so fast
So I slowly started to open up
And you got to know what made me so tough
Once I finally started to truly trust
You did things to fill me with regret and disgust
Maybe I should have left that very day
But something about you made me stay
Since those days my mind’s been reeling
I know I’m not always the best at dealing
Sometimes I lash out from the pain
And look at you with such disdain
But the root of that is all in fear
Because I want to believe you’re all mine, dear
I can forgive some early transgressions
If I feel you’ve really learned your lesson
It isn’t something I can take too lightly
Or I’d be wasting time if you undervalue me
I sit and wait for some magical proof
An until then I might seem at times aloof
I truthfully want to treat you right
And have you hold me through every night
So I’m working hard for my heart to heal
Because somehow I just know this love is real
Once I forgive and swallow all my pride
I’ll have you always by my side

Light

A candle
Flickering in the night
Triumphant over darkness
Burning without fright
Until dawn
When sunlight creeps in slowly
Rays engulfing the landscape
Casting light upon the lowly
Shadows
Can mask the truth and beguile
But in brightness eventually fade
Exposing what was hidden in denial
Daylight
Through which all truth is revealed
Overpowering the candlelight
And all deception must now yield

Change

Plunge into the depths
Chilling, paralyzing
Weighing the regrets
Overanalyzing
Span the great divide
Between feeling and knowing
Going against the tide
With contention growing
Bogged by indecision
Swimming against the current
Growing harder to listen
As it becomes more urgent
Struggling through night
Gasping, desperate for air
Why does choosing what’s right
Bring such despair?
Change is so hard
Amongst this chaos
Always on guard
And feeling so lost
Unable to turn back
Trapped in the abyss
Clarity fades to black
Thoughts growing amiss
Water fills the lungs
Impossible to breathe
When had this begun?
Now so hard to see
What was once innocent
Has become all consuming
Now ambivalent
As the future is looming
There is no scapegoat
Consequences are in view
Struggling to stay afloat
There’s only one thing left to do
Where to start
In a world so strange?
With a heavy heart
It’s now time to change

Searching for Signs

Groping in the dark with moonlight gleaming,
searching desperately for hidden meaning,
Looking for truth in the lyrics of a song,
while trying to discern right from wrong.
Begging for answers with each prayer,
A keen mind reeling in despair,
With no firm direction from intuition,
hoping fears don’t reach fruition.
Confusing growing from inside,
As the quest for knowledge is denied,
Behind each small act, some cryptic meaning?
And what response should be proceeding?
Examining each choice of word spoken,
That resonates in a heart that’s broken.
Some foreshadowing of what’s next?
Unanswered questions in a mind perplexed.
What is the difference between truth and fiction,
when all that’s felt is mounting friction?
When the past is so full of heartache,
logic won’t endure another mistake.
Yearning for some slight relief,
A foundation on which to build belief,
Hoping this anxiety will dissipate,
to blindly leave the future up to fate.
Still there is no way to truly know,
in matters that only time can show,
Because no fortune-teller nor a tarot card,
could reveal the secrets of the heart.

Sudden Light*

*by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

I have been here before,
But when or how I cannot tell:
I know the grass beyond the door,
The sweet keen smell,
The sighing sound, the lights around the shore.

You have been mine before,—
How long ago I may not know:
But just when at that swallow’s soar
Your neck turned so,
Some veil did fall,—I knew it all of yore.

Has this been thus before?
And shall not thus time’s eddying flight
Still with our lives our love restore
In death’s despite,
And day and night yield one delight once more?

When You Are Old*

*by William Butler Yeats

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Contradiction

They say you’re supposed to learn from mistakes,
Repeating them is insane,
But with all the things that have taken place,
My heart is full of pain.
They say you’re supposed to let things go,
But that’s a contradiction,
Because you’re supposed to live and learn,
Not subject yourself to the same affliction.
So now what am I supposed to do,
Having been wounded by every lover?
Put up walls and lose someone like you,
Or keep on struggling to recover?

Perfect Timing

The universe does things so perfectly,
It doesn’t make a single mistake,
When you don’t get what you were asking for,
It simply wasn’t truly yours to take.
Opportunities seem to pass you by,
But you can’t always determine the course,
Surrender the turmoil and frustration,
Lest you’ll end up with the wrong things forced.
Often quick to make brash decisions,
Thinking that you know what is best,
You can wrinkle the fabric of your life,
And miss out on how you’re blessed.
Thinking, rushing, and over-planning,
It’s easy to have the wrong attitude,
Becoming impatient and demanding,
Susceptible to lose sight of gratitude.
Give thanks for every ray of sun,
From all negativity be released,
When you rejoice in the simple things,
You’ll find steadfast peace.
You’re fast to be dissatisfied,
But serenity comes from a mental shift,
And sometimes when prayers go unanswered,
This is a great secret gift.
Your path has been set so long ago,
What’s meant for you will come your way,
Relax and be still in the meantime,
For it might not happen today.
Breathe slowly while you’re waiting,
Take comfort in the moments between,
Take solace in the impeccable timing,
The bigger picture remains largely unseen.

Say Goodbye

Where there was once tender embrace
There is now a widening space
Where there was once a blistering passion
There appears to be such little attraction
What once was whole and complete
Has been marred with cruelty and deceit
Lovers once thought to be heaven sent
Are plagued by a sense of discontent
No understanding, only dissention
And growing feelings of contention
Outcomes that are looking bleak
With fewer and fewer words to speak
Time that was spent in adoration
Had been swallowed up by confrontation
This emptiness and lack of connection
Breeds a yearning for affection
Desperate desires go unfulfilled
As deep resentment begins to build
Yet a need grows stronger for loving attention
Unquenchable with such apprehension
Although appearing unaffected
Both are feeling profoundly rejected
Aching hearts constantly disappointed
A partnership that’s become disjointed
Such effort needed for a feigned care
Evidently now broken beyond repair
No longer the apple of lover’s eye
It’s clearly time to say goodbye

Song*

*by Christina Rossetti

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.