nicolejrossetti

Let You In

Maybe I shouldn’t have let you in… but I did

When you first asked to see what’s inside, I hid

I had been masquerading behind a life of fun

Drinking and partying with the setting sun

I built walls and kept my fortress strong

But you tried so hard to prove me wrong

You wanted me to be open to your love

Although I tried explaining I’ve had it rough

You persisted so sweetly, so kind and tender

Those are the fondest memories I remember

We all have our wounds from the past

And you fell for me so deeply, so fast

So I slowly started to open up

And you got to know what made me so tough

Once I finally started to truly trust

You did things to fill me with regret and disgust

Maybe I should have left that very day

But something about you made me stay

Since those days my mind’s been reeling

I know I’m not always the best at dealing

Sometimes I lash out from the pain

And look at you with such disdain

But the root of that is all in fear

Because I want to believe you’re all mine, dear

I can forgive some early transgressions

If I feel you’ve really learned your lesson

It isn’t something I can take too lightly

Or I’d be wasting time if you undervalue me

I sit and wait for some magical proof

An until then I might seem at times aloof

I truthfully want to treat you right

And have you hold me through every night

So I’m working hard for my heart to heal

Because somehow I just know this love is real

Once I forgive and swallow all my pride

I’ll have you always by my side

Light

A candle

Flickering in the night

Triumphant over darkness

Burning without fright

Until dawn

When sunlight creeps in slowly

Rays engulfing the landscape

Casting light upon the lowly

Shadows

Can mask the truth and beguile

But in brightness eventually fade

Exposing what was hidden in denial

Daylight

Through which all truth is revealed

Overpowering the candlelight

And all deception must now yield

Change

Plunge into the depths

Chilling, paralyzing

Weighing the regrets

Overanalyzing

Span the great divide

Between feeling and knowing

Going against the tide

With contention growing

Bogged by indecision

Swimming against the current

Growing harder to listen

As it becomes more urgent

Struggling through night

Gasping, desperate for air

Why does choosing what’s right

Bring such despair?

Change is so hard

Amongst this chaos

Always on guard

And feeling so lost

Unable to turn back

Trapped in the abyss

Clarity fades to black

Thoughts growing amiss

Water fills the lungs

Impossible to breathe

When had this begun?

Now so hard to see

What was once innocent

Has become all consuming

Now ambivalent

As the future is looming

There is no scapegoat

Consequences are in view

Struggling to stay afloat

There’s only one thing left to do

Where to start

In a world so strange?

With a heavy heart

It’s now time to change

Searching for Signs

Groping in the dark with moonlight gleaming,

searching desperately for hidden meaning,

Looking for truth in the lyrics of a song,

while trying to discern right from wrong.

Begging for answers with each prayer,

A keen mind reeling in despair,

With no firm direction from intuition,

hoping fears don’t reach fruition.

Confusing growing from inside,

As the quest for knowledge is denied,

Behind each small act, some cryptic meaning?

And what response should be proceeding?

Examining each choice of word spoken,

That resonates in a heart that’s broken.

Some foreshadowing of what’s next?

Unanswered questions in a mind perplexed.

What is the difference between truth and fiction,

when all that’s felt is mounting friction?

When the past is so full of heartache,

logic won’t endure another mistake.

Yearning for some slight relief,

A foundation on which to build belief,

Hoping this anxiety will dissipate,

to blindly leave the future up to fate.

Still there is no way to truly know,

in matters that only time can show,

Because no fortune-teller nor a tarot card,

could reveal the secrets of the heart.

Sudden Light*

*by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

I have been here before,
But when or how I cannot tell:
I know the grass beyond the door,
The sweet keen smell,
The sighing sound, the lights around the shore.

You have been mine before,—
How long ago I may not know:
But just when at that swallow’s soar
Your neck turned so,
Some veil did fall,—I knew it all of yore.

Has this been thus before?
And shall not thus time’s eddying flight
Still with our lives our love restore
In death’s despite,
And day and night yield one delight once more?

When You Are Old*

*by William Butler Yeats

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Contradiction

They say you’re supposed to learn from mistakes,

Repeating them is insane,

But with all the things that have taken place,

My heart is full of pain.

They say you’re supposed to let things go,

But that’s a contradiction,

Because you’re supposed to live and learn,

Not subject yourself to the same affliction.

So now what am I supposed to do,

Having been wounded by every lover?

Put up walls and lose someone like you,

Or keep on struggling to recover?

Perfect Timing

The universe does things so perfectly,

It doesn’t make a single mistake,

When you don’t get what you were asking for,

It simply wasn’t truly yours to take.

Opportunities seem to pass you by,

But you can’t always determine the course,

Surrender the turmoil and frustration,

Lest you’ll end up with the wrong things forced.

Often quick to make brash decisions,

Thinking that you know what is best,

You can wrinkle the fabric of your life,

And miss out on how you’re blessed.

Thinking, rushing, and over-planning,

It’s easy to have the wrong attitude,

Becoming impatient and demanding,

Susceptible to lose sight of gratitude.

Give thanks for every ray of sun,

From all negativity be released,

When you rejoice in the simple things,

You’ll find steadfast peace.

You’re fast to be dissatisfied,

But serenity comes from a mental shift,

And sometimes when prayers go unanswered,

This is a great secret gift.

Your path has been set so long ago,

What’s meant for you will come your way,

Relax and be still in the meantime,

For it might not happen today.

Breathe slowly while you’re waiting,

Take comfort in the moments between,

Take solace in the impeccable timing,

The bigger picture remains largely unseen.

Say Goodbye

Where there was once tender embrace

There is now a widening space

Where there was once a blistering passion

There appears to be such little attraction

What once was whole and complete

Has been marred with cruelty and deceit

Lovers once thought to be heaven sent

Are plagued by a sense of discontent

No understanding, only dissention

And growing feelings of contention

Outcomes that are looking bleak

With fewer and fewer words to speak

Time that was spent in adoration

Had been swallowed up by confrontation

This emptiness and lack of connection

Breeds a yearning for affection

Desperate desires go unfulfilled

As deep resentment begins to build

Yet a need grows stronger for loving attention

Unquenchable with such apprehension

Although appearing unaffected

Both are feeling profoundly rejected

Aching hearts constantly disappointed

A partnership that’s become disjointed

Such effort needed for a feigned care

Evidently now broken beyond repair

No longer the apple of lover’s eye

It’s clearly time to say goodbye

*by Christina Rossetti

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

Author: nicolejrossetti